


Madam Roberta knows everything

by ClaireScott



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Community: 1_million_words, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 03:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireScott/pseuds/ClaireScott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Danny are meeting Madam Roberta and getting lost in a spooky forest. So, where's Dean Winchester when you need him, huh? And, by the way: Butterbeer, anyone? </p><p>Be warned: It's madness, all embracing madness. Nothing else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Madam Roberta knows everything

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 1 million words, word of the day: asylum (10/30/13).
> 
>  
> 
> Beta-reading done as always by the lovely [ThatwasJustaDream](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/profile). Thanks a lot, hon!

“Uh,” she says giving them an adorable smile. “Ohh.. I feel it. I feel it. There’s so much love. So much love…”

“Commander McGarrett, Detective Williams, 5-0. And you are?”

“Madam Roberta. I’m a clairvoyant and a diviner. And there’s so much love here since you came in…”

“Madam Roberta? Oh, Harry Potter, right? The professor with the classroom that looks like a cross between someone's attic and an old-fashioned tea shop? I like tea-shops. Nice to meet you, Madam.“

“No, Steve. That’s Madam ROSMERTA. And Rosmerta is the landlady of The Three Broomsticks.” Danny shakes his head. “The divination professor is named Trelawney.”

“I’m sorry. Thank you for the clarification.”

“You’re welcome. Sorry for my partner, Madam Roberta. He watched the movies recently for the first time and is still a little bit confused.”

“You both are so sweet. So in love. So deeply in love…” Madam Roberta sighs in entrancement. “I see a lot of kissing, petting and so much hot damn sex.”

“Me? Him? No, no, you’re wrong.” Danny makes a fending gesture. 

“I’m never wrong. Never. The Commander isn’t able to take his eyes off you, don’t you feel it? Don’t you see it? Just watch his face when I do this…” Roberta’s pointer finger flies like a butterfly over Danny’s neck, his chest, and before Danny can help himself she’s kissing him on his cheek, slowly, erotic, her lower lip clinching for a second on his stubbles. He takes a look to Steve and sees his aneurysm face. 

“Hey!” Steve says, grabbing for Roberta’s shoulder. “Don’t. Never touch a detective without permission.”

“ _This_ detective _without_ your permission, am I right, Commander? Oh, there’s so much love… so much love. This is so sweet. So sweet. Heartmelting…” Roberta smiles before heading off down the hallway. 

“Commander, Detective? You can see Mr. Flack now. Please follow me.”

 

About 30 minutes later Steve’s starting the engine of the Camaro. He drives through the gateway silently, keeps going for about two miles then he’s parking the car. 

“Huh? What are you doing? It’s not legal to park my car in the middle of the road in this dark, foggy, spooky forest. We’re not the Winchesters, babe. So can we leave? Please?”

“No. There’s something…”

“If there’s…” Danny gestures outside the car, “…something, we should _really_ leave. And maybe call the Winchesters. And it’s still not legal to park a car in the middle of a country lane.”

“I know. And it’s also not allowed to kiss a detective during work hours, so who cares?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“She’s right. She’s so damn right.”

“Who?”

“Madam Rosmerta.”

“Madam Rosmerta is right, okay. But there’s still the question of what we are doing here. Searching for The Three Broomsticks?”

“What? No. No, sorry. I meant Madam Roberta.”

“Madam Roberta is right? That your point? You mean the love and kissing and hot damn sex thing?”

“Yes. Danny, I…”

“Steve! Madam Roberta lives in an asylum. An A-SY-LUM. You do know what an asylum is? And why people live there? I mean this self-proclaimed clairvoy…” 

Steve stops Danny’s ranting with a kiss; a slow but deep burning kiss, promising and so erotic, so damned erotic. 

“Babe”, Danny murmurs, “I’m sorry. Maybe she’s right…”

“She is. I know.” 

Steve starts the engine and Danny protests: 

“No, what are you doing? Kiss me, babe!”

“I’ll drive us home. For hot damn sex. We’ll watch some Harry Potter, and have hot damn sex again.”

“Uh, Harry Potter? What about the Winchesters? Dean is a real hottie. Reminds me of you, babe…”

“I couldn’t care less about Potter or Winchester, love. I wanna have you naked in my bed. What we’ll do in the commercial breaks, we’ll discuss later.”

“Sounds like a plan, babe.”

Steve starts the engine again but it’s only spluttering and the flood lights turn suddenly off.

“Shit,” Danny swears, right hand on his gun, watching out in the dark forest. “Call 1-866-907-3235 - if the cell phone’s still working.”

“Whose number is that?”

“Dean’s. Who else would you call now?”

“You know the phone number of a fictional serial character? I should have left you in the asylum, Danno.”

“I saw the episode where his phone number was mentioned yesterday. Dial, come on.”

Steve does, switching the call on loudspeaker.

It rings four times, and then a voice came out of the loudspeaker: “This is the mailbox of Madam Roberta, please leave a message. I’ll call you back as soon as possible. If you’ve called to speak to Madam Rosmerta: Sorry, she doesn’t have a phone. Just feel free to visit her at The Three Broomsticks. Opening hours Monday to Sunday from 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. If you've called to speak to Dean Winchester: Sorry, babe, but that hottie is mine alone.”

“Steve, babe?”

“Huh?”

“Angst.”

“Yeah. Maybe we should walk back to the asylum.”

“And stay there?”

“Maybe.”


End file.
